While I was pregnant, I did a bit of research on what to buy — and what I definitely didn’t need to, as my baby’s carbon footprint was already off the scale before she was even out of my ovaries — and decided that slings made sense. I knew a pram wouldn’t be needed for at least the first 6 months of my daughter’s life, and it turned out I was right. Boy, I sound annoying.
If you’ve got twins or back problems then slings probably don’t make that much sense, but for me — and most of my fellow hairless monkeys flying through space — having your baby strapped to you is the way we evolved to roll.
- Travel is piss easy. You don’t have to plan your journey to make sure train platforms have lifts and that there are small enough gaps between train and platform to lift your pram over by yourself if nobody helps. You don’t have to worry about another pram or wheelchair getting on the bus. You don’t have to ask for help getting in every doorway or pay for all the stuff you smash as you inch through the shop. And you don’t have to park a monster truck next to you in the cafe. Excuse me thank you sorry please sorry fuck it.
- Your baby will be ultimate super chill vibes. Because babies are used to movement from being in the womb, they are in their bloody element wedged into a bit of cloth on your boobs, napping the shit out of life. They get to guard the milk supply (I secretly sling fed her outside McDonalds once, mic drop ), be as close as they can be to your super soothing voice (they don’t yet know how annoying and nasal it is, ur good) and be skin on skin, which as we know, is their jam.
- Your baby will be ultimate brainy babe vibes. Because they’re level with yours and everyone else’s faces, they’re learning a hell of a lot more than babies lying flat on their backs down at butt level. It means people interact with them more, so there is more opportunity to learn. And as the best way to absorb new info is when we’re in a dreamy content state, see point above. You’ve basically replaced a cleavage with Einstein. Creepy.
- Less wasted money on shit that’s bad for the planet. Having a baby comes with a lot of pointless stuff. Companies prey on clueless, caring parents who just want the best for their babies, so throw money at anything they’re told is “safe” and “essential”. Until I needed a pram when she was older, I was happy with my bit of sustainable cloth. Yep, as a 4.1 bonus, most sling companies are pretty woke and so use organic, Fairtrade cotton. And you can get second hand ones on Facebook, so don’t have a go at me about packaging.
- Fuck the gym. Babywearing means I still haven’t needed to go for a run since having a baby. OK, she also drinks all my calories and a 3-DAY BIRTH IN THE HOTTEST SUMMER IN HISTORY WITH NO FOOD OR SLEEP meant I couldn’t get booty if I really, really tried. But that’s another story. (Anyone else lost their butt to breastfeeding? I mean, come on, cruel world. It’s all I had). Trekking about all day with a two-stone cutie clinging on beats Barry and his Bootcamp, SoulCycle torture and the pelvic floor perils of running like Forest Gump. And oh yeah, it’s free.
Do you sling? Is that even a thing? What do you like about best coast wrap life? We want to see you mamas. Tag your pics on Instagram with #WokeMama or contact us.
Like what you see? Follow us on the gram. Sick of boring baby blogs? Join our awesome AF collective & raise a kinder world. Subscribe rn to get new posts to your inbox by hitting “follow” below. We love you 4 reals.