WTF are you meant to do when your baby has her first tantrum?

Today was a big day. Baby Iyra had her first tantrum. Something I don’t think they make commemorative little cards for.

At 11 months she’s had a few back-bending, head-banging meltdowns over rusty kitchen utensils i’ve taken off her (yeah, I’m such a prick). But this was a next level, terrible-twos style shitstorm.

It made me all FML about mumming — something that hasn’t happened since the 4-month-sleep-regression-which-shall-not-be-named. And the reason why I felt so selfie pitying (Insta filters always soften the blow) and total KO?

Because I have no clue WTF I’m doing. After all, what are you meant to do when your baby psyches out over ACTUAL NOTHING? Zero.

Up until now, she only cries for a reason. And for each reason I have a solution. The strategy goes something like this:

Hungry! Boob.

Tired! Boob to sleep.

Banged head/toe/butt on floor/wall/another baby! Boob.

Tummy ache! Boob.

Teeth ache! Boob.

Bored! Boob.

Overwhelmed! Boob.

No boob! Boob.

You get the picture. The picture is 99% boob and when it’s not boob it’s hugs. Boob is basically a massive vital organ hug anyway. But if boob/hug vortex doesnt stop them crying, what else is there? WHAT ELSE! ( . ) ( . )

This tantrum (part 2) was because I would not let her lick an empty can of Coke covered in ants that she had found on the pavement. Like i said, i’m a total prick. And the reason she was on the pavement was as a result of tantrum (part 1) where she refused to sit in pram, so we could only move if she pushed it herself.

Boob/hug did NOT work. Only licking rubbish worked. While distraction eventually worked and we made it home without being kettled by riot police,Β I still wouldn’t really know what to do if it happened tomorrow.

So while I sweatily read up on the sketchy oxymoron that is “gentle discipline”, help a sista out. GIVE ME ANSWERS. Tell me WTF to do when a baby has a tantrum, somehow using kindness and respect. Somehow not being a prick. And I’ll owe you an empty can of Coke covered in ants. Turns out that’s priceless in this house.

QUICK! Send your brattiest tantrum defusing concoctions byΒ  contacting us or tagging #Wokemamas on Instagram. Boobs, this one’s on us.

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