11 things you shouldn’t say to your kid, and 5 things you absolutely should

Written by Demi

Words have a real vibrational energy. If you haven’t yet experienced this for real, sooner or later you will.

For the non-believers, you can watch this documentary about an experiment by Dr. Emoto. He measured the impact on water molecules (image above) from speaking words of love and hate, to glasses of water. The results are shocking, but I’ll let you check the video yourself.

But why water? Well the adult human body is about 60% water, and babies are about 75% water. Words literally affect us on a molecular level.

It is time for us — especially parents — to forget that old “sticks and stones” quote. Words cut deep, and can leave scars on the heart. The quote should be: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break my soul”.

Words have power. And they have even more power when they come from someone you love.

According to an article in Psychology Today, “some abusers yell, threaten, ridicule, or humiliate, others wound with words in less obvious ways: ‘correcting’ your mistakes, disparaging your motives, even ‘suggesting’ a course of action ‘for your own good'”.

Now Mamma bears and Papa bears, I’m not trying to tell you that getting your kid to brush their teeth and eat their vegetables is verbal abuse. I’m trying to open up your mind about how you say things — and why you’re saying them.

Being​ ​mindful

Now that I’m a mother, I’ve taken notice of how women and men talk to their children. One because I’m nosy, and two because I have no idea what I’m doing and am always looking for some “mom-inspiration” on what to do. And mostly, what not to do.

Here​ ​are​ ​some​ ​of​ ​the​ ​following​ ​things​ ​I​’ve​ ​heard​ ​parents​ ​say​ ​over​ ​the​ ​past​ ​year:

  1. “Can you just cut it out, you’re annoying me.”
  2. “What are you doing? Are you retarded?”
  3. “Can you just shut up for a minute? You’re giving me a headache.”
  4. “Can you just go somewhere else?”
  5. “GREAT!! Look what you did!! This is all your fault.” (Over some spilt juice; come on
    parent, it’s not the end of the world.)
  6. “You’re being really annoying right now.”
  7. “Wow, you keep getting on my nerves.” (Silly parent, don’t you know that’s what kids are for?)
  8. “Are you sure you should be wearing that?”
  9. “You know what, you’re on your own.”
  10. “Can you stop making that noise.” (As the child was singing, not well, but still, she was singing.)
  11. “Stop talking, right now. I don’t want to hear your voice.”

If you read that list thinking to yourself, “Holy Shiitake, I’ve said those things to my kids — I’m the worst parent ever!” You’re correct! Just kidding.

We all make mistakes. Parenting is a hard, tireless and unappreciated job and we’re all guaranteed to fizzle sometimes.

Just try to remind yourself that this little human is developing their personality and that is going to come with ups and downs.

Instead of telling them to shut up when they’re singing, maybe ask them to sing a different song, or invest in some ear plugs and ask them to sing louder.

There is no way to prepare for this parenting job. So we just do what feels natural — and there is nothing more natural than love. I​ ​give​ ​my​ ​son​ ​unconditional​ ​love. And that means ensuring he hears, sees and feels that he is loved.

No matter how I’m feeling, I give him love. When he is being a little whiner-butt, and I’m tired or trying to do something simple like comb my hair, I can easily say something negative like, “Ugh!! What is wrong with you!?”, or “I don’t have time for this!”.

Instead, I’ll speak to him like a human, and say: “Elijah, Mommy is just trying to brush her hair, so we can go outside without Mommy looking homeless, so give me a minute please. I love you.” He may continue to whine, but usually he will calm down on his own. If not, his needs overtake mine, and that is just what parenting is.

With all of those parenting books out there you’d think that children are as complex as rocket science. But kids are just constantly looking for love and affection.

That’s it.

Think before you speak

Mantras​ are a way of sharing this love with your kids.

The word mantra can be broken down into two parts: “man,” which means mind, and“tra,” which means transport or vehicle. In other words, a mantra is an instrument of the mind—a powerful sound or vibration that you can use to enter a deep state of meditation.

“Like a seed planted with the intention of blossoming into a beautiful perennial, a mantra can be thought of as a seed for energizing an intention. Much in the same way you plant a flower seed, you plant mantras in the fertile soil of practice. You nurture them and over time they bear the fruit of your intention.”

-​ ​Tris​ ​Thorpe​, Master Educator at the Chopra Center for Wellbeing

Mantras can plant positive growth seeds in our children.

Reciting mantras made a huge difference for me in my journey through self-love and self-awareness. But my son can’t recite mantras for himself yet, so mama’s got his back. I do it for him.

Here are the 5 mantras I say to my son:

  1. You are strong!
  2. You are wise!
  3. You can do anything!
  4. You are loved!
  5. You are important!

I keep them simple, because he is only a few years old. But as he gets older, they will change, just as mine do, depending on where I need the extra boost.

The key to mantras is to just be honest with yourself. Think about what you want, and what you want for your child. If you just want what is best for them, say: “I want you to do what is best for you” or, “I allow (insert name of whatever god you believe in here) to guide my son/daughter on the path that is best for them.”

Include your child in the conversation too. Ask them what they like to do, what they don’t like, and what they want to see more of.

I’d love to see what you come up with — comment below and let us all know. We could all do with some inspirational positive words sometimes.

Peace x Love

By Demi

Do you have some positive mantras that have worked for you? We would ❤ to hear from you. Contact us, comment below, or tag #WokeMamas on social media.

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